“My teen doesn’t want to talk. How can I show them I care?”

” I know my mom really cares when she packs my lunch every day. Or when my dad scrapes my car off after it snows. I’m 16, and I can do those things, but I know they do it because they care about me.” – Elliot H., 16, Loveland

“When someone important in your life prioritizes something that’s important to you, that means a lot. Say Valentine’s Day is your favorite holiday, and your family always makes sure it’s special and goes big on that day. That’s huge.” – Jakye N., 16, Aurora

“My mom always sends silly memes or gifs over Instagram — which I really appreciate. Sometimes it’s random stuff about parenting that’s really heartfelt. Other times it’s just silly. I appreciate both kinds.” – Elliot H., 16, Loveland

“I text my parents if I don’t feel good, and they make soup for me. My family is from Mexico, and we have a soup called ‘sopa de fideo’, and it’s something you always make when you’re sick. It’s supposed to boost your immune system. Home remedies and little traditions are comforting.” – Gianny V.

“Since I’m really busy, and I’m not at the house too often, he’ll text me. That makes me feel like I’m cared for and he really loves me.”  – Elliot H., 16, Loveland

“I love it when we go out to dinner on a Friday after a long week, or order in, hang at home and watch movies. I don’t take that for granted.” – Elliot H.

“That is a way I feel cared for. It’s special when you spend time away from the norm and try new things together, like taking a trip or trying a new kind of food.” – Jakye N.

“Maybe you always go to the mountains in the winter or you have inside jokes. Keep up with those things you do together. Don’t force the traditions, but invite your teens to do them.” – Gianny V.

“I went to Boys and Girls Club and my mentor Miss Simone was like my second mom. My parents didn’t go to college, but she did. So she was the one who showed me how to apply, look for scholarships, and figure things out. It is huge to have a mentor that can be your friend, but also has shared experiences. I wouldn’t be where I am without her.” – Gianny V.

“In relationships, conflict happens. But what matters most is when an adult says, ‘I’m sorry I did that,’ or ‘I’m sorry I hurt you.’ That is something that guardians and adults have done that made me feel respected.” – Jakye N.

“Parents sometimes try to relate by sharing something they went through, but when they compare their experience, it can invalidate our experience. If you say, ‘it’s not that hard,’ or ‘it was harder for me,’ it makes me feel selfish for struggling and adds to the stigma that I shouldn’t be feeling this way. What is more helpful is saying: ‘I’ve never been through that, but that sounds really hard.’ It makes me feel not crazy that something is bothering me.” – Sienna A. 

“I think youth and teens like to feel like they’re in control, and it can be stressful when things are out of control. When we have a choice, it makes us feel heard.” – Gianny V

“If they’re having a hard time, ask: ‘Do you want my advice, or do you just want to vent?’ Sometimes, we just want to be heard. Let us know that you’re listening, and respect what we say.” – Sienna A.

“Then when they have a hard time, it’s easier to understand where they’re coming from.” – Gianny V

“Be willing to be quiet and listen. When I say. ‘Mom, I had a really hard day at school,’ it helps for her to respond with, ‘tell me about it,’ rather than a lecture.” – Sienna A.

And know what they don’t like. When they’re struggling, do they need a distraction, some space, or time to process? If you wait and ask for what they need in the moment, its harder. So ask them at a time when they’re not in crisis.” – Sienna A.