Do you remember how many things were new when you were a teen? Maybe you recall your first trip away from home without your parents, first school dance or first audition.
All of the teenage “firsts” are like milestones on the path to adulthood. These events are important chances for your teens to learn more about themselves and others. Teens also learn how to navigate their world and make good choices for themselves.
The next time your teen is going through a new experience or event, take advantage of the learning opportunity! You don’t always need to solve the problem or “handle it” for them.
These milestones for your teens are opportunities for you to empower them. Include them in the planning and decision making. When it’s appropriate, give them the space to figure it out in their own way. Teens tell us this helps them feel valued and respected, which is important to build and maintain a strong relationship with them.
Below are some ideas for how you can support and empower a young person through some common milestones.
A first big or meaningful social event (like a sleep away camp or school dance)
Have your teen keep track of registration deadlines or dates to remember.
Ask them to create a list of things they’ll need for the event, and review it with them or offer to help them with packing or preparation.
Encourage your teen to choose some music to get ready for the event.
Bonus tip: Ask who their favorite artist is on the playlist.
Rejection from something they’ve worked toward, like an audition, try-out or job interview
Ask your teen how you can support them.
Give them space to share how disappointed they are.
Bonus tip: One parent from Denver, Dave, suggests being open about “the concepts of success and shooting for your dreams. We talk about what that looks like in more detailed steps.”
Help them refocus on their goals by offering to review the effort with them or look for different opportunities.
Dealing with a meaningful loss, like losing a friendship or moving schools
Ask what they need. Basha, from Denver, told us her dad empowers her during difficult times by letting her take the lead: “I’m comfortable to voice what I need, like, ‘Hey, I want to be in my room today, don’t bother me. Or let’s go on a bike ride together.’”
Share with your teen some ways that help you process disappointment or sadness, and let them choose a method to try that sounds helpful to them.
Invite your teen to suggest a dish and help plan a comforting meal, or suggest another activity that would feel supportive to them.
Graduations - both their own or someone they care about
Leading up to the big day, talk openly with your graduates about their plans for the future. Let them take the lead, but offer guidance and support for their decisions. Don’t forget to include siblings, or other older peers in their life like cousins, in the process! Older peers may be able to offer valuable insight.
Ask your graduates how they would like to celebrate – a family dinner, a special dessert, choosing an activity to do together. And welcome their ideas!
If you host a (virtual, for now) celebration, include your teens in all the planning and ask if they have a vision for the event and work together to plan.
Younger siblings or peers may need your help to spend more time with the teen who’s graduating or moving out. Ask them what activities would be special for the family to do together before the big change happens.
Making a big or consequential mistake
Ask them what they’ve learned from the experience and how this challenge can help them in the future.
Offer to support your teen’s growth. Help them achieve a few goals that they create to either correct the mistake or make better decisions in the future.
Give your teen another chance to succeed at a similar task.
How have you supported your teen through milestones in their life? Your ideas can help other parents who may need a little support too. Share with your friends, family and us on Facebook or Twitter.
